Temper Tantrums

I don't know why, but this morning I seem to be throwing a temper tantrum.  It's just not FAIR!

While I am thankful for the many blessings in our lives, I am also envious of those being denied to us right now.  The simple pleasures of sleeping in our own home or eating a meal together seem so very precious when they are denied.  We are approaching the end of a month solid in the hospital and are both extremely tired of this. Tyler can hardly sleep at night because of worries that he will choke on his own saliva.

We really just want to live a normal life!  In fact, boring sounds quite wonderful...

Thank goodness we had a year or two together before we got married, as our entire marriage has been overshadowed by this darn battle with leukemia.  Sometimes we can forget about it for awhile, when Tyler is feeling good and strong.  But it seems like we are always drawn back with a new outbreak.  In fact, those relapses seems to happen anytime I want to travel....  Do you think Tyler is trying to tell me in a subtle way that he doesn't want to travel as much as I do?

I am envious of the family and friends who have started families of their own and are watching their children grow.  We would love to have a family, but treatments have made that unlikely without adoption and our lives are really too crazy right now to add more complications in...

Tyler is sick of being stuck in the same room, mostly in bed, every day.  I am sick of wrestling with whether or not I am making the wrong choice every time I am doing something other than being with him in the hospital.

I know everybody has their own demons and that no life is as easy as it looks.  But for today...  I am thoroughly disgusted with our personal battle and would love to call a cease fire for a few years (or decades?!).