Sunday, March 6, 2011

Two Months today

I got a little teary-eyed this morning as I realized that it was the 2 month anniversary of Tyler's death.  He is missed by many people, I know.  I am doing okay.  I have been reading some books about grief recovery (thanks to those who gave such a thoughtful gift) and one of them has something that really resonated in my heart and I wanted to share it with you.

The book said that unresolved grief is often caused by a feeling that something should have been different, better, or more.  As I shared with a friend, the cancer diagnosis was in this one way a blessing for Tyler and me. We knew that our original dreams of growing old together would be challenged by this disease.  As he failed treatment after treatment, that became more of a reality for us each time.  Because we knew this fact, I was able to make choices to be with Tyler and really LIVE the life we could while I still had him.

While I do have a few regrets about things over the past 4 years (mostly that he had to fight cancer at all), I was able to be with him whenever he needed me.  I can never repay my coworkers and bosses for that time, as it is infinitely precious to me.  I spent most of the last month with Tyler and am so very thankful for that.  I flew with him to Houston and stayed until he got out of the hospital again.  I was with him as his health first started to fail seriously and during his last stay at UW.  I was holding him in my arms as he died and hope that helped to ease his transition.  It was (is) quite emotional for me to think about that final moment, but it was a sacred moment for me.

My purpose for sharing this is just to remind you to think about how your choices would be different if you learned that your loved one had only a limited amount of time left to be with you.  What changes would you make?  I certainly didn't quit my job and don't expect that any of you can afford to do that either.  But I surprised Tyler with tickets to a comedy show twice, just because I thought it would bring a smile to his face.  What can you do to make sure that you are not left feeling that you should have done something "different, better, or more" if you were to lose your husband or wife or parent or child tomorrow?

Do it TODAY!


  1. I am touched by reading your words. Today is my 3 month anniversary of being diagnosed. I'm having a hard time emotionally.
    I just started a blog today, but it is nothing positive compared to yours. I hope that my "good" days soon outnumber my "bad" ones.
    Take care - you sound like a strong lady

  2. Such a good lesson for all of this. I will try to keep this in mind in my daily interactions with my loved ones.