Sending my Love

Four years ago today, I married my true love.  We knew on the day we said our vows that "in sickness and in health" already was a reality.  But, I demanded that Tyler marry me that day, whether he was released from the hospital or not.  He spent the week before the wedding at Stevens Hospital, recovering from pneumonia and getting his white blood cell counts down.  We canceled our honeymoon cruise, but still had the big party and officially joined our lives together.

Initially, we kept Tyler's diagnosis a secret from the many people coming to join us at our wedding.  We wanted our wedding day to be one of joy and celebration at the fact that we LOVED each other.  With apologies to the many loved ones who joined us there, I still think that was the right thing to do.  Our wedding day was filled with joy and love.

Tyler started to share the following week, which prompted a great deal of shock as people heard the word "cancer".

One of the things that amazed me over and over again as we fought this battle was the outpouring of support that we received.  We could never have fought this battle on our own, but had friends and family who went above and beyond to help.  People visited us in the hospital.  Coworkers from both of our jobs made it possible for us to visit doctors together, regardless of the impact to their own workload.  Friends and family helped us to raise thousands and thousands of dollars to fight this disease.

And through it all, we had each other.  When I stop and think about how much I have lost, I can't stop the tears.  Tyler loved me and knew that I loved him.  In that one fact, we were very, very lucky.  Although he often felt like he wasn't living up to what I needed in a husband, I would not have traded one day of our time for anyone else.

I would have happily sent the leukemia packing, but know that if I had to take CML to have the blessing of Tyler, it was well worth it for me.  I just hope that he believes me now.

Cancerversary

February 19th is the 4th anniversary of Tyler's diagnosis with Leukemia.  Especially now, I can't help but wonder if getting in to the doctor earlier might have helped him enjoy marriage a little bit longer...  Tyler had been experiencing several symptoms that, in retrospect, we now know were signs that something was wrong.  Number one in my memory were the chills that he got after exertion.  Because Tyler and I were soccer addicts, we were out on the soccer field 1-2 times each week.  For the 6 month period before diagnosis, Tyler would play soccer and then shake and shiver violently for a long time afterwords.  Tyler just thought it was a part of getting old, but I thought it was a bad sign.

If you have any of the following symptoms, please make an appointment with your doctor.  It probably ISN'T leukemia, but wouldn't you rather know?

• Fever or chills
• Persistent fatigue, weakness
• Frequent infections
• Losing weight without trying
• Swollen lymph nodes, enlarged liver or spleen
• Easy bleeding or bruising
• Tiny red spots in your skin (petechiae)
• Excessive sweating, especially at night
• Bone pain or tenderness

 Who knows where we would be today if we had caught the disease earlier?

Missing my "Dude"

This is the one month anniversary of Tyler's death. 

It's still hard to believe that he is gone, although I feel like I have been learning to live without him a little bit each day.  Some things are definitely easier than others.  Working is usually okay, as I am incredibly busy just keeping up with my day to day tasks. The quiet moments and home routines are the hardest ones, as those were times that I treasured with Tyler.  I miss our personal routines and the little inside jokes that we shared.

A loved one recently admitted that she didn't know if she should bring up Tyler's death when she sees me or avoid mentioning it altogether.  I can't speak for everyone that is grieving, but I prefer it when someone brings it up.  I might be sad or have some tears, but will change the subject if I get too uncomfortable to talk about it.

Also, there isn't a right thing to say to someone who is grieving.  A heartfelt "I'm sorry" or a comment about some way that Tyler touched your life is the most comforting things that people say to me.   I don't have any right things to say in response either, but do appreciate that people care enough to acknowledge Tyler's passing and the void in my life. 

Thanks to the many people who have supported me throughout this battle, and especialy over the last month.  The many offers for evening activities have helped me ease into this new phase of my life.

Missing the "We"

One of the really great thing about being married to Tyler was that we had a solid partnership.  As I make this transition, I find myself saying "We like this" or "We do that" and then I stop and realize that I am supposed to just talk about me now. It's strange to realize that two really did become one in our marriage.

Many people may not realize the work that Tyler and I put into our marriage before we ever walked down the aisle.  As we were first dating, I admitted that I had trouble communicating.  Although I have learned LOTS from my darling husband (who would share anything with anybody), I still struggle to share some of my innermost feelings.  In order to build a solid foundation of communication, Tyler and I decided to learn more about how to communicate better.  We read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
and found that understanding the concepts in the book really helped us to communicate better about our relationship needs.  Tyler's primary language was Quality Time, so he just needed to remind me of that when I would get too busy with other things.

The other book that we used to develop our communication and highly recommend to other couples was The Hard Questions: 100 Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do.  This book had questions on all sorts of topics, such as what is your dream house like and how many kids do you want and how do you feel about religion, and anything else that could be helpful to discuss.  Tyler and I would answer all of the questions in a chapter independently and then get together and talk about our answers. We were lucky in that so many of our answers matched the other person's, but we also found ways to understand what was important to each other as we worked through the chapters.  This book certainly isn't for everybody, but I do recommend to anyone who wants to work on comunication or wants to go the extra mile to build a strong partnership.

Just my two cents on something that really worked for us!

I miss Tyler in little twinges throughout each day.  For example, it has been hard to watch American Idol this year because that was something that Tyler LOVED to watch.  We have a DVR, but Tyler could never wait to start the show late. He was just so excited to hear the songs and see the performance. 

I hope that each of you will hug your loved one today, just remembering that things would be much different if they were missing from your life.

We're #1! We're #1!

I recently attended an awards ceremony for the Light the Night walk.  It was bittersweet, as Tyler was in my thoughts all evening long, but I wanted to share some news with everyone who walked with us last year.

Team Firefly was the #1 team for 2010!  Thank you so much for all who walked, those who raised money to find a cure, and those who donated so generously.  Together we raised over $17,000 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to fulfill its mission of finding a cure for cancer.

Although we haven't found a cure for blood cancers yet, I believe that our efforts will help someone in the future be able to avoid the pain that we are all living with today.  In fact, the CML'ers I know that are on Gleevec and Ponatnib are doing well today because of the research dollars in past years.

In fiscal year 2010 approximately $72 million was invested in research, including funding for 103 new grants to researchers in academic institutions and $8 million in contracts through the LLS Therapy Acceleration Program. As of June 2010, LLS was supporting 347 research projects and 9 research contracts in the U.S., Canada, and 9 other countries.

Thanks for joining me in my efforts to find a cure.  I don't want any of us to feel the pain of losing a friend, a child, a parent, or a spouse to Leukemia ever again.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Hans, who compiled the amazing slide show you saw at Tyler's memorial service, has graciously offered to provide copies to friends and family who wanted a copy for themselves. If you would like to get a CD with the slide show on it, please comment and/or send me an e-mail.

How rare is CML?

How rare is CML? Recently released data from the National Cancer Institute states the following: Based on rates from 2005-2007, 0.16% of men and women born today will be diagnosed with CML at some time during their lifetime. This number can also be expressed as 1 in 635 men and women will be diagnosed with CML during their lifetime.

How is it possible that 2 men on my soccer team were diagnosed with it?  It just seems like something is wrong there...

The Dash, By Linda Ellis

For those of you were moved by the poem The Dash at Tyler's memorial service, I have included a link to the author's website.  She has a beautiful slideshow and the complete poem listed at:  The Dash’s Dash

Sleep in Peace, Tyler Douglas Bledsoe

Tyler Douglas Bledsoe, beloved husband, son, brother, uncle and friend, passed away peacefully on Jan 6, 2011 after courageously fighting a four year battle with Leukemia.

He was born Oct 31, 1966 in Longview, WA to Scott Bledsoe and Andrea (Bledsoe) Coughlin. He grew up in Ballard, attending Crown Hill and Whittier elementary schools and Whitman Middle School, where he participated in Little and Major League Baseball and Soccer. He graduated from Ballard High School in 1984 with Honors, and participated in Varsity Baseball, Cross Country, and Soccer.  He attended Seattle University for one year, then transferred to the University of Washington, graduating in 1990 with a Bachelors Degree in Psychology.

He loved working outdoors with his hands, and made a career of creating beautiful landscapes. He worked for Olympic-Cascade Landscaping for 10 years, then joined the Seattle Children's Hospital Grounds & Sustainability Department, where he helped recreate the landscape you see there today as well as managed and maintained the facility at 70th and Sandpoint Way.

He was an outstanding athlete and continued playing soccer throughout his adult life, leading his teams to many victories by employing "THE MOVE". He also coached a girl's soccer team for several years, and was an avid fan and season ticket holder for the Sounders. He loved golf, both real and "fantasy", and enjoyed many rounds in the last four years with his father Scott, his father-in-law Dave, and his brother Matt.

Tyler had a passion for life. He was a man of great inner strength and displayed wisdom, stability, love, humor, kindness, sensitivity and fairness. He was fiercely competitive but had an even disposition, a generous spirit, and never ending patience and strength with medical challenges.

Tyler leaves behind his loving wife Mandy, his parents Scott and Kate Bledsoe and Andrea and John Coughlin, siblings Matt Bledsoe, Sam and Colleen Sundquist, and Elizabeth Gizzi, grandmothers Thelma Westberg and Marion Bledsoe.  He leaves behind many other loving family members, as well as countless friends. He touched many lives and will be greatly missed by all who had the honor of knowing and loving him.

Tyler's memorial service will be held on Saturday, Jan 15th at 1:00 pm, at North Creek Presbyterian Church - 621 164th Street SE - Mill Creek, WA 98012. All are welcome to come celebrate his life with us. Remembrances may be made in Tyler's honor to Team Firefly, our fundraising team for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

The family wishes to express their heartfelt appreciation to the amazing doctors, nurses, and other staff who provided him such excellent care throughout his battle.

Gettin' By

My sister put a lovely post about Tyler's death on her blog. To read it yourself, go to http://rydmanfamily.blogspot.com/2011/01/goodbye-ty.html

I'm so very thankful to have family and friends around me! I know I am not doing a very good job of getting back to you, but I certainly appreciate the calls and e-mails and offers of company for a few hours. Gump headed to work over the weekend and I had an almost full day of work myself today and we both found that it is somewhat cathartic to get back to some of our regular activities.

I know that I didn't always share about our extended family, but we both have very close families. Tyler's brother lives with me, which helps to feel that I have a friend (and brother) very close by. I know that others have also been hard hit by this loss, but I have found a great deal of comfort in memories of him and the company of loved ones.

We are hoping to show a slideshow of photos from Tyler's life, but it is hard to choose which of the photos to include.